Taking On the Pain of Others

The Zohar explains that the only way we can help others is by taking upon ourselves a little bit of their pain and difficulty. Very often we have a true desire to help our children, friends, spouses, and students, and so we teach them, or advise them, or give to them in some form. However, to ensure that our assistance actually makes a difference, we need to decide how much pain we are willing to go through in order to help that person.

Because, as the Zohar teaches, we cannot truly help another unless we make ourselves uncomfortable.

For those of us who are truly interested in the perfection and correction of our world, when was the last time we made ourselves terribly uncomfortable in order to assist another person? When was the last time we took upon ourselves somebody else’s pain in a way that made us uncomfortable; in a way that hurt us? We’re not expected to become martyrs. But if we do want to be part of the correction of our world, then there must be an element of sacrifice to our sharing.

If we are not willing to break ourselves a little bit in order to help another person, then we cannot truly help another person. To be assisting when it is comfortable, to be teaching when it is easy, that does something, yes. But it cannot bring us to the ultimate correction. The only path, the only way that we can be a part of that correction of our world is to the degree that we are willing to be uncomfortable, to the degree that we are willing to take upon ourselves an element of pain to assist other people.

Don’t think about all the great things you can do to help other people, don’t think about all the great things you can do to reveal Light in this world. Those are nice thoughts, but they are not a tremendous part of this global correction. Instead, look for times when you can put yourself in an uncomfortable situation in order to help another person.

These are the times that will bring us to the ultimate correction.

The Open Door

A kabbalistic lesson on how to care for the souls that come into our lives

Those of us involved with teaching others – and all of us are teachers to one degree or another, whether it’s for our children, friends, or colleagues – have a great responsibility in our hands. We must remember that at all times we are dealing with souls.

The other night I was studying with my son David, and we read a story I’ve read countless times, and yet it spoke to me in a new way. I share it with you now because within the simple story is a great awakening for the potential we have to save – or harm – someone’s life.

The story is about a well-loved kabbalist and one of his closest students. As was his custom, the student spent every holiday beside his beloved master. However, one year, as the holiday of Passover approached, the kabbalist pulled him aside and said, “This year you will not be spending the holiday with me.”

Distraught, the student circumvented his teacher’s wishes and appealed to the kindness of the kabbalist’s wife (who was unaware of her husband’s wishes), ingratiating himself to her by becoming indispensable in the cooking, cleaning, and preparation for Passover.

The day before Passover, he dropped a subtle hint of his predicament, and the wife took the bait and lobbied her husband on his behalf. The kabbalist responded, “If he is that important to you, then, yes, he can stay. But the truth is I fear he will create tremendous havoc for me.”

The student showed up the day of the big holiday, feeling tremendously pure and spiritually elevated. He secluded himself in the prayer room and began to pray. Suddenly, a vagrant appeared, seeking a blessing from the great kabbalist. The student smelled the stink of the man, both physically and spiritually, and shooed him away, without so much as lifting his head.

Moments later the kabbalist appeared, inquiring whether anyone came looking for him. “No, not a soul.” Again he asked, this time more insistently, “Has anyone come looking for me?!” “Well, there was this one filthy man who wanted to see you, but I know you don’t want to waste your time with such an insignificant person on such an important day.” The teacher turned to his student and stated with utter conviction, “If you do not bring him to my house now, I swear you will never see me again!”

Desperate, the student ran all over town, and only at the last minute did he locate the man in a tavern, three sheets to the wind, as they say. The man refused to acknowledge the student, so he threw the man over his shoulder and carried him to his teacher’s house. The teacher not only accepted the man, but he spent the entire holiday right beside him. The student, on the other hand, was made to sit way, way, way in the back.

After the holiday, the kabbalist called the student into his office. “Fifteen years ago this man was one of my closest students. There was a moment in his life when he did a terrible action, and he fell. And as often happens, he continued falling, spiritually and physically. I’ve been in pain all these years, praying and begging that something would open within him. Two weeks ago, I received a message in my prayers that he had created a small opening and had promised to himself, “I will reach out to my teacher one last time. If he accepts me, then I will know there is hope. If he rejects me, then I will have no more hope.”

I didn’t want you here this holiday because I know how ‘righteous’ you are and that you would close the door on him. The last door. You almost killed all hope for that man!

The lesson we learn from this, and may we all have it seared into our consciousness, is that when we are dealing with friends, spouses, children, students, and strangers, we never know the consequences and long-term effects of our words and actions. How many times are we too busy, too angry, or simply too preoccupied to answer our spouse, child, or friend with care and compassion?

This week, let us all awaken – and strengthen – our appreciation for how tremendously significant and delicate the souls are that come into our lives. May we awaken ourselves always to be concerned, aware and to always ask, “What is the best way to care for this soul?”

We want to ensure we are always opening doors for other souls to enter and elevate so they can become the best versions of themselves.

Ridiculous Sharing

Kabbalistic teachings are often based on the concept of as you act, so acts the Light of the Creator, meaning the way you treat others is how the Creator treats you.

Therefore, if we want the Light to continuously share with us blessings and goodness, then we need to cultivate a consciousness of continuously looking to share with others. In fact, we need to be ridiculous in our sharing.

Some people only make a connection, share, meditate, pray – act spiritually – when they are in trouble and need help from above. That’s one level of living. A second level is, as King David says in Psalms, “May goodness and mercy run after me all the days of my life,” meaning as we run after opportunities to help and share with others, blessings will run after us!

What type of life do you want to have? Do you want to have a life where everything is all right and suddenly you need to go and run after a blessing? Or do you want those blessings to run after you?

Most of us want to live a life where goodness is being dumped upon us all the time. How do we create that? Well, it’s simple. We have to be running and dumping goodness and sharing onto others. If you act like that towards people, the Creator will act like that towards you.

This concept is expressed in the biblical story of how Isaac came to marry Rebecca. It is written that Abraham dispatches his servant Eliezar to find his son’s soul mate. Eliezer (himself an elevated soul) prays for guidance and receives an answer: The first young woman who responds to his request for a drink of water will be “the one.”

The story continues. As he pulls into a small town, he discovers Rebecca standing beside a well, busily helping and serving her flock. He approaches her and asks for a drink of water. Not only does she grant his request, but she provides enough liquid for his entire contingent. And for those of you not familiar with the story, I can tell you that Eliezer was a giant of a man, and he traveled with a large entourage of camels and helpers.

When I tell this story to audiences, I always make a joke – this really wasn’t a test for Isaac’s soul mate, this was a test for a crazy person! Imagine this big, strong man – and his entire group of people and animals – approaching this one young woman with a request for a drink. The normal response, if you’re a kind person, would be to give him a drink. But to jump to the next thought, let me give all your people and camels a drink, now that’s ridiculous.

The idea is that most of us share when it makes sense – I’m a kind person, you are in need, so I’ll give to you. But this story is teaching us we have to change how we view sharing. It’s not about the other person – it’s about me. When you understand the power and influence sharing has in your life, you can’t help but want to find every ridiculous way to share.

Now, I know this is not easy. If we understood this lesson, we would all live it, but our work is to awaken this understanding.

This week, take this concept in. Look for people you can share with – especially those you don’t want to – again, with the right understanding. Don’t share because you are a good person and you want to help someone out. Share because you know you have to run after somebody and share with them ridiculously in order for the Light to run after you with ridiculous blessings.