Making Relationships Work

I came across this interesting interview in Harvard Business Review with the psychologist, John M. Gottman:

“Few people can tell us more about how to maintain good personal relationships than John M. Gottman, the executive director of the Relationship Research Institute. At the institute’s Family Research Laboratory—known as the Love Lab—Gottman has been studying marriage and divorce for the past 35 years. He has screened thousands of couples, interviewed them, and tracked their interactions over time.

He and his colleagues use video cameras, heart monitors, and other biofeedback equipment, measuring what goes on when couples experience moments of conflict and closeness. By mathematically analyzing the data, Gottman has generated hard scientific evidence on what makes good relationships.”

I find many of these ideas to be kabbalistic and would like to share a few of them with you over the next few posts. Here’s the overview of his philosophy - based on his many years of scientific research - as it is explained in the beginning of the article:

“Successful couples, he notes, look for ways to accentuate the positive. They try to say “yes” as often as possible. That doesn’t mean good relationships have no room for conflict. On the contrary, individuals in thriving relationships embrace conflict over personality differences as a way to work them through. Gottman adds that good relationships aren’t about clear communication—they’re about small moments of attachment and intimacy. It takes time and work to make such moments part of the fabric of everyday life.”